Emptiness

I wake up and stare at the ceiling, actually I don’t. I have my phone all the way in the living room so when my alarm goes off I need to wake up like a soldier and rush to silence it. Surprisingly this ensures I have to wake up and not lounge in bed using my phone. But I have to think “am I just doing this to avoid being in bed?”

I don’t know what’s happening to me, I feel spent. I don’t have the patience but I can wait. I am no longer yearning for touch, no feeling of lust. It’s not even the porn, it does nothing for me in this place. She is asleep, I have to work. I used to want to make love in the morning but she hates it. She hates her own morning breath, I wish she knew how I don’t care. Actually she knows, I’m carefree she is careful.

I have to stop writing here, I am only doing this to make myself feel better. I don’t know if she will ever see this.

I don’t know will, is this a cry for help? I love her, at least I know that.